I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
