Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
