I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
