then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
