paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
