You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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