My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
