what day is it and did you see me today?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
