Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
