She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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