somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
