No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
