If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
