i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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