I just saw a hot homeless man
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
