The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
