Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
