So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
