I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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