just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
