Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
