I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
