If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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