Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
