a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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