Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
