At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
