Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
