somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
