It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
