omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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