i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
