Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
