The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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