dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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