whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
