My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
