Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
