Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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