i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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