you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think my vagina is haunted
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
