I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
