I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
