Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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