whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
