He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
