Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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