Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
