Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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