I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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