I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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