great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
