Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
