Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
this is an emotional support booty call
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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